Eyes

"Eyes are the window of the soul"
My soul must be frigging knackered.

So why doesn't this soul get some more sleep?
Because it owns an Unbalanced brain that won't shut the fuck up about all the things it really needs to do today.

Brain: You've not read all those papers for that meeting tomorrow...
You really need to sort out selling your car before the MOT runs out...
Those pictures you bought 3 weeks ago are still leaning against the window...
Actually this whole house is a shit hole...
And you've not done any washing...
Do you realise you've not hit your 10,000 steps or 5 a day once this week. You'd better get outside at some point...
And buy fruit...
And you'd better do something nice with your child today because you're going to London for 2 days and won't see him....
And the cats need fleaing...

Soul: Fuck off brain. Give me a break. Can't you see how busy I am carrying these bags under my eyes?

Brain: Oh yes I most certainly can. You'd better go shopping and buy some Touche Eclat. You can't go to London looking like THAT.

Soul: f$•%*@wg~s

(My soul also has a foul mouth.)

Weird compliments

I have been complimented on two parts of my body that I've never thought of as compliment-able. I'm feeling quite smug.

They are my eyebrows and my cervix. Yep, I'm surprised too.

1. I have excellent eyebrows, just like Cara Delevigne apparently. I'm "so lucky" because others pay a fortune for high definition brow work.

Until recently I never knew that brows where something people even noticed, unless left to form a Gallagher-esque mono-brow.

Mine have only ever been a disappointment to me that I can't move them independently and give people that one raised eyebrow what-the-fuck?-face. How I covet that skill.

2. My second unexpected body brilliance is my 'obedient cervix'. I have been told this twice so I know it's a fact.

At a smear test I was told that most cervixes hide away and make it difficult to perform the test. But mine is 'well behaved' and pops straight into view. As if saying, "Hey there visitor. Welcome. Swab me? Of course. You're welcome."

So while they both might seem weird to me, if someone is handing out a body compliment I will take it. With relish.

And next time I admire another woman's pert bum or her ability to move gracefully into downward dog, I will not chastise myself.

I will think, "Her body is great. I've got *naturally* high definition eyebrows and an extrovert cervix, so yay both of us."