Hands off MY (Shared) Parental Leave

Would I have been happy to share my parental leave with my husband? Hell no. I remember actually saying at the time, if I'm the one pushing something that size out of my fanny, I'm the one taking at least nine months to recuperate.

In the end, an emergency section meant there was no pushing, but I still won what I saw was my well-earned right to a maternity leave.

But that's my, sorry OUR family decision and what suited our situation at that time. I think it's wonderful, heck only right and proper that men should have equal rights to parent their child in those early months.

I read today that on the first anniversary of Shared Parental Leave in the U.K. only 1% of couples are actually taking up the option of sharing their parental leave. Honestly I'm not surprised. We all know that one change in a law, no matter how good, does not (can not?) instantly alter a culture that we've nourished for so long.

Before pregnancy was even on the table for me, I never expected to feel quite as motherly as I did. I thought I'd skip back to work as soon as possible. But something happened when I grew that baby - he was mine. I knew him best. I knew what he wanted - of course I proved on a daily basis that I didn't.

Although I took over a year off 'proper work' I still did the odd bit at weekends (I'll share stories another time about having to use a breastpump in a portaloo). I would leave for the day trying to tell my husband everything I needed him to do. In my head he was 'covering' my job, it wasn't his job as an equal co-parent.

Thank god he gave me a very good talking too very early on. He pointed out (in slightly stronger words than I will write here) that I was perhaps mistaken in my views, and should allow him the honour of working out for himself what HIS baby needed. Quite right too.
I quickly had to accept that he might turn into just as (un)capable a parent as me, that he would work out a sleep pattern (when he cried), when to feed him (when he cried), and that it really didn't matter if my baby's socks didn't match his outfit.

That day was probably the best turning point for our family because it hit me like the proverbial tonne of bricks that I was just one half of my boy's parenting duo. He was lucky to have us, not as two clones following the same rules, but as two individual parents both shaping out our relationships with him and our place in our evolving family.

Whilst I suspect there are other women like me, and perhaps in a similar situation, I'm sure there will be others who want or need a different approach for balancing work and parenting.

Whether those reasons be financial need, the expectations of a particular role or just plain personal preference to follow tradition or buck the trend, I'm pleased that we are moving in the right direction by opening up more CHOICES and I welcome the choices that Shared Parental Leave will make available for some.

I think the culture change will take a while - but we are making baby steps (pun intended).
- To crack the stigma of men taking a parental career break (let's face it, it's still rare)
- To have the confidence to rock up as the only dad at a Mother and Baby group (I know the progressive ones are starting to use the term 'Parent and Baby').
- To find a baby change facility in the men's toilets (actually I'm not sure I'd want that!)

Here's to those baby steps which may one day lead us to fully equal parenting.