Offended

Those who know me will tell you that I'm not easily offended. But watching Channel 4's new dating show, 'Naked Attraction' made me feel like Mary Whitehouse.

If you haven't seen the show, the idea is that a single person gets to see six potential mates before choosing one to go on a date. The difference, (of course you can see what's coming - not a pun... yet) is that the contenders are all naked. And there's actual science bits where graphics and a voice-over explains why our primitive brain is naturally wired to find certain attributes, such as strong thighs, to be attractive to those seeking a mate.

So far I'm OK. This could actually be interesting I thought. I bit like Big Brother when it first started. If I go beyond the obvious voyeurism, this could be psychological education. It's not Channel 5 after all.

Each of the contestants is behind a different colour screen and henceforth known as 'Green' or 'Pink' etc. The screens then reveal the naked people from the bottom up, starting with waist-down, full-frontal glory.

The episode I saw was a male Picker, was choosing from six female colour-coded Contestants. The screen goes up and we are now eye level with an assortment of Minge-Masterpieces. I say this because they were all fully groomed and presented in different coloured frames. None of these ladies was showing off her natural, bushy Lady Garden. Not even a well manicured lawn. Five of them were completely bald, and I would describe Number 6 as having 'a neat gravel border'. I commend her for at least acknowledging there was once a garden there.

And now we approach the part where I got offended. The host asked the picker what he thought, and he liked what he saw. In fact he pointed out the gravel and said "That's as much hair as I allow".

There are many words that went through my head at that point and most of them have the same meaning as Lady Garden but have fewer letters.

What an absolute.... xxxx!

Funnily enough there was no mention of science or primitive attraction during this section. But I had a primitive urge to tie a very tight knot in his garden hose.

I thought we'd moved beyond judging people by what they look like, but apparently not, if people are prepared to openly admit to mentally rejecting a person based on the amount of grass (or gravel) on their front lawn.

I wont be watching again. I can only imagine Cilla turning in her grave.